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You鈥檒l get 52 ounces of wing-dippin’ goodness from the hard-to-find folks at Hidden Valley. That much should last you through Super Bowl Sunday. ($35)

Though they suck at playing the clarinet, cats are naturals when it comes to spinning vinyl. Put them in charge of the playlist at your next dinner party, and rest assured: Your furniture won鈥檛 get damaged. ($35)

The high-five is a life-affirming, HR-friendly way to express loving camaraderie. Why not add some visual pop when you go up top?

You鈥檝e been subpoenaed to testify before the House Judiciary Committee, but Capitol Police won鈥檛 let you bring your chicken. What to do?! Simple: Reach for an Emergency Chicken. It fits in your pocket, and pays for itself in just weeks. ($9.95)

Have a laugh at your pup鈥檚 expense while they play a seemingly innocent game of fetch. ($17.50)

You have the . Now, recognize Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia for the saints that they are. Our Ladies of Blessed Wisecracks, hear our prayer! ($55)

Does grandma love ramen noodles and inflatable stuff? If the answer to both of these questions is 鈥測es,鈥� this big boy — available from Nissin Foods鈥� fan store — should be sitting under the family tree. Good luck wrapping it. ($35)

Print out your smartphone photos on Polaroid film. And, because this is 2019, you can add filters before you print it out. Nice. ($130)

No longer will that thieving co-worker poach your leftover liver and onions. ($14)

Here鈥檚 another layer of protection against work fridge thieves. If the Human Organ Insulated Lunch Bag won鈥檛 keep them honest, these sure will. ($7)

Dude, check it out! It鈥檚 a duck on a bike!聽 Etsy is a great source for the offbeat, and the bonus here is that you鈥檙e supporting independent artists and entrepreneurs, as opposed to funding renovations on . ($15)

Bill Gates鈥� vision of a paperless office has not quite come to pass, which makes it awkward to approve and disapprove of things that aren’t on a timeline. The 鈥淟ike鈥� rubber stamp is guaranteed to provide that after sharing photos of food. Regardless of context, the 鈥淒islike鈥� stamp is guaranteed to result in the same reaction: 鈥淲hy won鈥檛 Facebook add a 鈥榙islike鈥� option?鈥� ($11.47)

As we learned in the song 鈥淛ingle Bells, Batman Smells,鈥� things didn鈥檛 end well for our caped crusader: 鈥淏atmobile lost a wheel, and the Joker got away.鈥� This year, however, the Dark Knight triumphs. O Holy Night, Batman! (around $50)

Poor ol鈥� Barb. Not only did she miss the internet and the Cubs鈥� 2016 World Series win, but she also missed seasons 2 and 3 of the classic Netflix series. May her memory be eternal. ($10)

Don鈥檛 let the photo fool you. That is actually a two-dimensional image. The cases originate just down the road. Williamsburg, Virginia-based Trotter Hardy has a variety of other phone cases available in his Etsy shop. ($22)

You already love the . Now reach for this guy when the Christmas Eve sermon hits the half-hour mark. ($16)

If you’re cool with the R-rated language, keep a few on hand and remind that BMW owner that it鈥檚 poor form to take up two disabled spots. ($4.50)

Happy hour isn’t just for humans. This combo of dog toys go together as well as citrus fruit and a certain brand of beer. ($10)

Twitter鈥檚 character limit sometimes results in some pithy bon mots. These folks will frame a tweet for you 鈥� including essential life lessons from such modern thought leaders as Kanye West, Kyrie Irving and Elon Musk. Or, frame one of your own deep insights. ($55鈥�$75)

Here鈥檚 a hard-to-find collectors item that is well worth the steep price: Small likenesses of four famous Japanese movie monsters, each standing behind a lectern apologizing for the destruction they caused. And if you line them all up, it looks like they鈥檙e contestants on a game show! I won鈥檛 say I want these, but I will say I need them. (~$300)