Marie Lansley recently started a new job in a new city while searching for a new partner. In her dating pursuits, the freshly minted San Franciscan said sheās been ātrying everythingāā including some help from .
AI chatbots have become ā for her and many others ā de facto dating coaches and relationship experts.
Lansley, 36, consults AI chatbots for help in starting conversations, something she said she finds difficult on dating apps despite being comfortable doing so in person. Although sheās optimistic about the possibilities, she acknowledges the incongruency between the art of romance and the precision of technology.
āI am open to AI finding me the love of my life, but Iām also not fully convinced that it can,ā Lansley said. āAI is great at making dating more efficient. But the chemistry ā thatās always going to be analog.ā
AI adopters have been using the tech in varied ways to find romance. Some patronize AI matchmaking services. Others use AI tools to help build their dating profiles. But the most common way is enlisting chatbots to draft messages to potential matches and interpret messages they receive.
Lansley goes back and forth between OpenAIās ChatGPT and Anthropicās Claude. Others turn to Elon Musk and Xās Grok, Googleās Gemini and other chatbots. Dating apps and AI companies are leaning into it. and have posted content on TikTok showcasing their chatbots’ customized, personality-laden relationship advice.
āClaude is the new Cyrano,ā said dating coach Carey Gaynes, referencing the 19th century French play āCyrano de Bergeracā in which the titular character is the brains behind another manās romantic words.
āYouāre using a voice that isnāt yours.ā
Gaynes said she has heard of daters of all ages turning to the technology, both from her client base and her following on her YouTube channel, Coffee with Carey. She sees how it could be useful in dating, but like many others, she worries about overreliance.
Like the platitude used to describe many a modern dating arrangement, itās complicated when it comes to peopleās feelings about AIās role in romance. Thereās a range of excitement, resistance and skepticism.
AI is writing icebreakers, offering advice and matchmaking
Lansley said she has been startled by how chatbots can appear to display emotional intelligence.
When doing an onboarding call with the AI matchmaker on the app Known, she said the questions the bot asked went āone or two levels deeperā than traditional dating app questions and it seemed to be striving for empathy.
It doesnāt necessarily lead to better results ā her first match was not a perfect fit.
Mason Naung, a 25-year-old student in Los Angeles, said he doesnāt use chatbots for message ideas, but could see the benefit of it for āicebreakersā during the early back-and-forth with someone.
āIāve been on Hinge on and off for a year or two, and sometimes I kind of struggle to think about what the opening line should be like with this girl, right?ā he said. But if the AI-written messages go beyond those initial exchanges, that would be a āsmall red flagā in his mind.
Just as chatbots can help start conversations, they also can help end things. Dani Cohen, a 27-year-old business owner in San Diego, said she would much rather be sent an AI-written farewell message by someone sheās been on a few dates with than be āghosted,ā or cut off without a word.
āObviously, in a perfect world, everyone knows exactly what they want to say and how to say it in the kindest way possible and they do that. Thatās not the world we live in,ā she said. āAnything to get people to communicate, and to communicate their thoughts kindly and effectively, is great.ā
Skepticism persists on āoutsourcingā love life
Several people who spoke with The Associated Press, including those who have turned to AI for dating help, expressed reservations about using the technology to help with deeply personal aspects of their life. Many adopters said they had a line they wouldnāt cross when it would be inappropriate to use AI for dating.
Others couldnāt dream of turning to a chatbot for help with their love life at all.
Clara Sullivan, a 22-year-old student in Los Angeles, said she would not reply to a potential partner if she knew they were sending her AI-written messages.
āI think itās really scary how reliant people are on it,ā Sullivan said. āItās completely gotten rid of peopleās ability to think creatively and on their own.”
Many feel the same way. A 2025 survey from the Pew Research Center found 53% of U.S. adults say AI will worsen peopleās ability to think creatively. Half of those polled said they feel AI will worsen peopleās ability to form meaningful relationships.
Still, the marriage of AI with the highly lucrative dating industry was likely inescapable. Many dating apps have been integrating AI into their platforms for years.
Tinder has an AI-powered feature called Chemistry that suggests profiles tailored to a userās interests. Hinge has AI-powered conversation starters and feedback tools to help build usersā profiles and make interactions smooth.
The founder of the app Bumble recently said the platform will soon ditch the well-known swipe feature, instead pivoting toward AI-driven matchmaking. After facing some backlash to the decision, Bumble CEO and founder Whitney Wolfe Herd wrote in a statement that said what they’re building āis rooted in a simple belief: technology should make love and connection feel more human, not less.”
Some see tradeoffs to AI’s role in romance
Mohammed Nizami, 23, said he turns to AI for some things in his life, but not his dating pursuits.
āWeāre all craving for some degree of authentic connection. Certainly with your partner, you want that,ā he said. āIf thereās some filter or barrier between you and your partner or potential partner, I think thatās just not a great way to start a relationship.ā
Nizami said chatbots may not even provide the best guidance. The , he said, might be āgood for your own mental comfortā but does not necessarily lead to the soundest advice.
AI is likely going to play a growing role in modern dating life, despite the hesitations.
āItās kind of a sad commentary on the state of the world. Dating is supposed to be one of the things that cannot be replaced, right?ā said Jake Clay, a 30-year-old content creator in New York City. āItās kind of sad to think that something so pivotal to your life journey is being outsourced to an AI who canāt understand the emotions around it.ā
Clay did say heās been receiving fewer texts from friends asking him to decode a message from potential partners, as they now turn to chatbots.
Clay wryly said he appreciates AI ālifting the loadā there but also called the situation a āCatch-22ā since itās ācircumventing some of the normal processes in life that I feel like should be a little bit more sacred.ā
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